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Please stop whining about kids whining
The "NO WHINING" sign – which sometimes consists of the word “whining” with a diagonal red slash through it – is meant to send a message to students, and that message seems to be: “I don’t want to hear your complaints about anything that you’re being made to do (or prevented from doing).” To be sure, this is not an unusual sentiment; in fact, it may be exactly what your boss would like to say to you. But that doesn’t mean it’s admirable to insist, perhaps with a bit of a smirk, that students should just do whatever they’re told, regardless of whether it’s reasonable or how it makes them feel. If we might respond with frustration or resentment to receiving such a message, why would we treat students that way? “No whining” mostly underscores the fact that the person saying this has more power than the people to whom it’s said. Of course, the sign could be read more literally: Perhaps it’s just a certain style of complaining, a wheedling tone, that’s being targeted. Frankly, I don’t love that sound either, but should someone’s tone of voice really take precedence over the content of whatever he or she is trying to say to us? I’m less annoyed by whining than I am by the disproportionate reaction to it on the part of adults. It’s fine to offer an occasional, matter-of-fact reminder to a child that people tend to be put off by certain ways of asking for something, but our priority should be to make sure that kids know we’re listening, that our relationship with them doesn’t depend on the way they talk to us. Besides, young children in particular need to have some way of expressing their frustration. We don't let them hit, scream, or curse. Now we’re insisting that they can’t even use a tone of voice that’s, well, insistent? Regardless of how “whining” is defined, going to the trouble of posting a sign about it suggests that our own convenience is what matters most to us (since it’s obviously easier for anyone in a position of authority if those being ordered to do something comply without question). It also implies that we’re unwilling to reconsider our own actions and uninterested in having students question authority -- despite the fact that education at its best consists of helping them to do precisely that. _____________________ Excerpted from the article "Bad Signs," which first appeared in Kappa Delta Pi Record. Copyright 2010 by Alfie Kohn. |
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www.alfiekohn.org -- Alfie Kohn |
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